Christmas Ramble

Well it's almost christmas, and like all good bloggers (like me, I'm good blogger and a good bogger, I do my number twos when necessary fact fans, no holding it in for this ginger, not that I'm saying gingers commonly hold in poos) it's always probably compulsory at this time to blog about christmas. Well the one thing I love about christmas is the music, the shiteness of music at this time of year, so most of my blog today/tonight is going to be about the music.

Sure the giving and recieving of presents is good, but usually I end up recieving too many DVDs and spend the period around christmas in my room watching DVDs (the lord of the rings extended editions is a christmas tradition for me, well has been for 3 years, shame Peter Jackson won't get off his arse and write a sequel), and the giving of presents is all very good, but unless I'm nicely guidelined by people as to what gifts to get someone, it requires me to pluck up my own iniative to pick a present for them, and after hours of desperation I plummet on something which by that point I have deluded myself into thinking said thing is a good gift then spend a few days regretting buying said thing and end up with the good old back up plan of self deprecation at my uselessness on christmas day. "I'm a man" is always a good protest when self depricating to those of the opposite gender to my goodself, i.e. them with no dicks, ladies I believe they are called.

Anyway where was I in the point I tried to set up in the beginning paragraphs (I write in paragraphs, get me!), ah yes christmas music. Now I'm of the unfortunate age where my generation hasn't had a christmas song as a christmas number one. Fucking Madword, we came so close, but it's okay in hindsight as the darkness dissapeared up their own asses. We assciate fucking East 17's won't you stay another day and girls aloud's sound of the underground with christmas, despite neither song having shit all to do with christmas (although the first song I mentioned, the the one by those good awful looking young men east 17 can be conveniantly twisted to be christmassy for some reason). I like shite music which I hope might be clear through some of my blogs over the year (I've been blogging for a year? Good captain Wensledale! So I have). Well without any google research here's me picking some songs out of my arse for sure naffness, okay there will be some google research, I need to provide helpful links to my bloggers who want to know more about the single.... probably.

So I present: Clive_Evil_C's Ramble Shambles 3 randomly picked christmas releases from the last few years that are shit. But likeably shit. At least in this silly bloggers view.
(But he won't listen to the again, because they are probably very shite)

My first song picked is the robot wars single by Sir Killalot Vs Robo-Babe 069 - '' entitled Robot Wars (Android Love)'' A few years ago I loved robot wars, god knows why, it was shit, electronic engineers wet dreams, why it appealed to me I don't know, but who knows. Well what with all over merchandised tripe nowadays a single is necessary, and a christmas time single is what was in store. For some reason Sir Killalot pictured to the right had the clout to help propel a struggling singer to stardom. Okay that's bollocks. It was an illconcieved dance song with supposidly feature Sir Killalot, but which I hope is apparent to anyone else who watched the song is that sir killalot doesn't talk, the robots on fucking robot wars don't talk. For some reason I had talked about the song with my mum subtely dropping hints that it would make a good christmas stocking filler for me, without even hearing the song, but going by the quality label that is associated with a cash cow like robot wars. Mum brought me the single and knocked me off my feet by letting me have it early. I put it into the computer bitterly dissapointed that it was just shit. And to make matters worse the CD-ROM video included just featured women in metal (presumably keeping in the style of the roboting and all that) bikinis, I didn't want to let my mum see me watching that, but I didn't want to see ungrateful and tell her it was shit. (Well it was rubbish, at that age I wouldn't dream of saying the shit word, actually I might dream of being a swearer like so many of the cool kids at school but failing to live my dreams, damm society holding me back!). Want proof said song mentioned in the ramble does infact exist? Click here.


My second song to be picked is titled Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia by the Cuban Boys. A.K.A. a dance remix (or something similar, I think it was little too indie or weird or summat for my taste at the time, and I'm not tarnishing my countdown here by listening again to the songs, mainly as they are quite shit songs) of the hampster dance. Remember that? It was a site which had hammsters dancing to a sort of pre-crazy frog type noise of a hamster yodelling, apparently from robin hood. It was a site full of crude gif animations, hell why am I explaining it, watch it here in all it's crude early internet stylee. It was baffling in it's novelty, and confirmed to me in my childhood early teens that I wasn't going to be liking proper music and be one of those jo whiley groupie type people, I loved shit music, and wasn't very good, but charted at number 4 in december of some year, so it might of been decently bad, who knows. I owned it on cassette, and it's on a landfill somewhere right now. To quote coldplay "tears streaming, down your face" *Sniff* Moving on.

And my third song is Craig Phillip's At This Time of Year. Little internet proof can be found that said song exists other than this BBC news article here I found after a quick google search. Craig Phillips was the first winner of Big Brother, and melted the nations hearts when he gave his prize money for some worthwhile cause to a family member (I can't remember specifics, but then again this isn't a well research blog piece) and yet he wanted to raise more money for the worthwhile charity so released a christmas song. What that likeable chappy releasing a song? the moving lyrics still stick in my brain today "at this time of year, friends and lovers should be near" rhyming genius! It charted at number 14 and was forgotten just like the previous two songs, but I shall sit here happy tonight that I may have planted seeds of rememberance in some of my readers minds. My sister owned a copy of this on tape, so money for worthwhile cause didn't come from my pocket moneyied wallet. Tight Wad.

And that's my pointless countdown. Well Merry Christmas and all that Jazz (that is if I don't blog between now and the day).